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Great 8


Love it or hate it, the NBA season is kicking into high gear and the playoffs are hitting their stride as some of the 2nd round match-ups are already set. I personally can’t get enough of the NBA playoffs and could sit and watch any of the match-ups all of the way through the NBA Finals.

Maybe it stems from my basketball card collecting days of the 90’s, but what can I say, I’m a fan of the NBA. And regardless of whether or not you think college basketball is better, their season is over, deal with it.  So, since it’s the only roundball going on right now worth watching, here is my Great 8 List of what I’m looking forward to (or currently enjoying) about the 2011 NBA postseason.

1. The ‘Little Guys’ – Most teams have at least 1, maybe two superstars (Sorry, Bosh), but inevitably, the teams that are truly hoping to win a championship this year will have to get some major help from some minor players. I don’t mean to use ‘minor’ in such a negative way, it’s just the word you use when comparing Mario Chalmers to LeBron James. But somewhere along the lines, key shots, clutch free-throws, and stout defensive stops will need to be done by the guys who aren’t getting paid $2.3 million a game* (*slight exaggeration). We already saw it with the Spurs/Grizzlies series as a rookie named Gary Neal hit a game-tying 3 pointer to ‘spur’ San Antonio on to an overtime victory. I love seeing guys step up when their name is called and come through for their team in a big way, and I keep watching to see the next time it happens.

2. The Perkins-less Celtics – In what still seems to be a little bit of a head-scratcher, the Celtics traded away one of their key big men, Kendrick Perkins and have been dancing with mediocrity ever since. They stumbled into the #3 seed in the Eastern Conference and have looked pretty vulnerable on the inside. By trading away Perkins, the Celtics have put their faith in Shaquille O’Neal, Jermaine O’Neal, and Glen Davis to be the big defenders and scorers in the middle. Shaq has been injured for half the season and didn’t see any time against New York. Jermaine O’Neal is hardly a stopper and Glen Davis has limited mobility and is turning into more of a jump-shooter. Perkins brought a toughness on the defensive end and could be trusted to haul down a few offensive rebounds a night. And even though they swept New York in the first round, they will miss Perkins on the inside when they face Miami in the 2nd Round (and if they get past Miami, they will more than likely face the #1 seed Chicago Bulls).

3. Can the Thunder Roll? – Speaking of Kendrick Perkins, he is now crashing the boards (and the opponents) while wearing an Oklahoma City Thunder jersey. The Thunder have the NBA’s leading scorer in Kevin Durant and a good secondary scorer (with some serious hops) in Russell Westbrook. This team has gone from the basement to the rafters in a matter of a few seasons and much of it is due to drafting Durant instead of chronically injured and potential draft bust Greg Oden. Last year they were excited to make it to the playoffs and got bounced by the eventual champion Lakers. But this year, they have the talent and the experience that could lead them to a not-that-surprising run at the NBA Finals. And with the recent acquisition of Perkins from Boston, they have turned themselves from a cute story into a legitimate threat.

4. The Bulls Potential Return to Glory – It’s been 13 seasons (1998) since Michael Jordan led the Chicago Bulls to their 6th NBA Championship. Not long after, Jordan, Scottie Pippen, Dennis Rodman, and Coach Phil Jackson all were gone and the Bulls plummeted to the bottom of the Eastern Conference. But now, behind the tremendous talents of assumed MVP Derrick Rose and guys like Joakim Noah, Luol Deng, and offseason acquisition and interior presence Carlos Boozer, the Bulls were able to finish with the NBA’s best record and home-court advantage throughout the playoffs (and the NBA Finals, if they make it). They’ve got the talent, they’ve got the experience, and come June, they could also be saying that they’ve got the Larry O’Brien Trophy.

5. Hot Hot Heat – Despite a Game 4 hiccup in Philadelphia, the Heat sailed into the second round with a 4-1 series victory over the 76’ers. And while Miami was a team that dominated lesser talent (except for the Cavs on March 29th), they have been average (at best) when going against ‘upper-level’ competition. Now they have to take on the Boston Celtics who swept the New York Knicks on their way to the 2nd round. Boston holds a 3-1 edge in head to head games this season, but I’m expecting to see that go out the window when these two teams meet in Miami for Game 1. I’m interested to see how LeBron does against the team the embarrassed him last year as a Cavalier and a guy, Paul Pierce, who has played him exceptionally well. This series has great matchups (James vs. Pierce, Bosh vs. Garnett, Wade vs. Rondo) and at the end, either team has a chance to be on top.

6. Lakers 3-Peat – Until they get knocked out of the playoffs, the Lakers are still the champs. And if Bynum is healthy (which is a very shaky ‘if’), they are very tough to match-up with. If Bynum is in, they have 3 bigs (Bynum, Gasol, Odom) as well as the extremely dangerous even if he has a tweeked ankle Kobe Bryant (6 rings) and a coach (Phil Jackson) who would be hoping for his fourth 3-peat. In the back of his mind, you know Kobe is looking for a shot at the Heat in the Finals, but he will have  a tough road ahead. They will have to go through some stiff competition to even make it to the Finals, but if they can not only make it there but win it all, Jackson will have 12 rings as a coach and Kobe Bryant will have 7 rings (one more than Michael Jordan).

7. Don’t Get Upset – It already happened to the Magic, and the Spurs barely escaped it the other night: the upset. It’s bound to happen and it’s what makes the playoffs more exciting. Every victory by an underdog calls into question the favorite. If the Bulls lose to the Pacers in January, not much is said about it. But if the Bulls lose to the Pacers in the playoffs, it’s “What’s Wrong With the Bulls?” and “Where’s Carlos Boozer?” and “How is Derek Rose’s Ankle?” It’s a much bigger deal because it’s the playoffs. Memphis is going home for Game 6 against the Spurs with a 3-2 lead. They are the 8 seed and if they’re able to beat San Antonio, the Grizzlies will be praised for their tenacity and the Spurs will be written off as “Yesterday’s Champions” (having beaten Cleveland in the 2007 Finals). The first round isn’t quite over, and we’ve already seen it a little bit, but the upset is one of the more exciting things about the playoffs.

8. It’s All About the Match-Ups – There are many predictions and many ‘experts’ declaring this team to be the best or that team to be washed up. But when it comes down to it, it’s all about the match-ups. I wrote earlier about the Boston/Miami matchup and the key players that will be facing off against each other, but there are also some other teams and players that could make for some amazing games. The Hawks are facing the Bulls and the Bulls have dominated the Hawks all season. I don’t see that changing in the playoffs, but it will get interesting when Chicago has to go up against either Miami or Boston (both teams will no-doubt be limping out of that series). I would think Chicago would want Miami, because they went undefeated against them in the regular season and the Bulls don’t really have anyone to stick with Ray Allen on the perimeter. The Lakers should take care of Dallas on their way to a showdown with (more than likely) Oklahoma City. If the Lake-show can shut down Durant, it should be a short trip to the finals and I wouldn’t mind seeing Los Angeles play either Chicago or Miami (sorry Boston, just suffering from a little ‘been there, done that with you and the Lakers). But whether you’re referring to whole teams or individual players, when it comes to the playoffs, it’s all about the match-ups.

There you have it. Anything that you’re looking forward to or currently enjoying about this year’s NBA Playoffs that I didn’t list here? Make your own list in the comments, and sit back, relax, and enjoy the show.


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Great 8


Miami’s Dwayne Wade, LeBron James, and Chris Brown-, I mean Bosh, have already been hailed as the NBA’s next dynasty. And since “The Decision”, much speculation has swirled about not just if they can win a championship, but how many. Full disclosure, I’m a Cavs fan, so this post might have a hint of spite.

But while he was with the Cavs and winning back to back MVP awards, people were still saying that LeBron wouldn’t be considered a ‘legend’ until he wins a championship. It’s true that championships are what legends are made of in the NBA. Kobe has 5, Jordan has 6, and Russell has 11. So really, according to that standard, the players on this list are more legendary than Miami’s Big 3 combined, right?

1. Mark Aguirre
Total Titles: 2

Pistons – ’89-’90


2. Will Perdue
Total Titles: 4
Bulls (3) – ’91-’93; Spurs (1) – ’99


3. Sam Cassell
Total Titles: 3
Rockets (2) – ’94, 95; Celtics (1) – ’08


4. Jud Buechler
Total Titles: 3
Bulls – ’96-’98 ___________________________________

5. Travis Knight
Total Titles: 2
Lakers – ’00-’01


6. Malik Rose
Total Titles: 2
Spurs – ’03-’05


7. Darko Milicic
Total Titles: 1*
Pistons – ’04

*More than LeBron James and Chris Bosh combined and tied w/Dwayne Wade ___________________________________

8. Adam Morrison
Total Titles: 2
Lakers – ’09-’10

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Great 8


Last week, our entire Student Ministries team went down to Atlanta, GA for the annual Catalyst conference. There were a lot of cool things that we saw and heard while we were down there (as well as on the way down and back). Here are the highlights in no order whatsoever.

1. 24 Hours in a Van – We rented a 12 passenger van for all 10 of us and drove 12 hours down and 12 hours back. And a game that we literally played all the way down to Atlanta was the “Letter Game” compliments of Tyler Stanton’s Trip Tips. We played: Football, Music, and Basketball. And come to think of it, I’m pretty sure it’s still Matt’s turn.

2. Guy Being Shot Across Arena From A Cannon. Yep, that’s it.

3. The Sessions – They were very challenging and each speaker brought his/her own take on the theme: The Tension is Good. Favorites were:

Andy Stanley (pastor) bringing a new take on the Jacob/Esau/Birthright story

Craig Groeschel (pastor) challenging both old and young leaders to work
together and learn from each other

Seth Godin (blogger, author) raising some good questions about creating and being creative

Daniel Pink (author) changing the way we (as leaders) look at motivation

4. Tripp and Tyler – Knowing these guys would be there was 42% of my excitement for going to my first Catalyst ever. They’ve made some of the funniest videos and many of them have been made specifically for Catalyst, which I’ve had to enjoy by way of YouTube. And from them walking around with bowl-cuts (*see below), repelling in from the ceiling (100ft above), to leading the entire audience in a ‘rousing’ rendition of “We Aren’t the World (We are the Christians)”, they brought the funny (*again, see below).

5. “Not Afraid” – Catalyst Opener – It started with pitch black. Then a violin. Then a drum machine. Then a beat-box. Then a keyboard. Then some singers. Then a children’s choir. Then a rapper. It wasn’t until the choir started in with, “I’m not afraid; to take a stand…” that I realized what song it was. And once I recognized the song, I wasn’t sure if the whole experience was real. But it WAS real, and it was fantastic.

6. Dude Beatboxing – At one point in-between sessions, the DJ grabbed the microphone and started doing some beatboxing. The dude was crazy and once he starts into his self-proclaimed ‘impossible beat’, it just gets ridiculous. Don’t think so? Try it and see if what comes out of your mouth sounds anything like what comes out of his.

7. Michael Jr. – Comedian – I like stand-up comedy. I’m not really that big of a fan of ‘Christian’ comedy. But this guy he went up right before Andy Stanley closed the conference and the whole place was laughing (myself included). I guess he was on Leno and some other big venues and I can see why. The guy’s just funny. And he made a documentary about going into a prison, skid row (in LA), and some other forgotten places to do his comedy. Check it out here, and check out his set from Catalyst West 2010 that is pretty similar to the set he did in Atlanta for us.

8. Korean Karaoke – Sometimes as a team, you have those moments where you only have to say a couple words to anyone on that team and you’re instantly transported to a place or a memory. For those of us on this trip, “Korean” and “Karaoke” are those two words. Laughing until we cried. Wondering what was behind “Door #3”. Singing along to songs like: Coolio’s “Gangster’s Paradise” (me); Beyonce’s “Crazy in Love” (me and Carter); Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody (all); Toto’s “Africa” (RAD); and many others. More memories, but not enough space to tell.

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Great 8


I grew up in the 90’s collecting sports cards (regarded by many as the “Golden Age” of sports card collecting). Baseball, football, basketball, whatever. If it came in a pack and I had some coin in my pocket, it was a done deal. And out of the three majors, I collected basketball cards the most. I had a subscription to BECKETT BASKETBALL CARD MONTHLY so I could watch my Vin Baker and Nick Van Exel cards’ value go up and down (and then further down) each month.

And of all the cards of all the players that I collected during my “hay-day”, most of those guys are not playing anymore. They either retired or just couldn’t cut it on an NBA roster anymore. Either way, here are 8 of the guys that I used to collect their cards when I was younger that suited up for an NBA team this season.


#1 – SHAQUILLE O’NEAL – Shaq’s cards were some of the ones that I would trade away some of my other faves (Shawn Kemp, Chris Webber, Hakeem Olajuwan) to get my hands on. I remember really wanting his Upper Deck rookie card (pictured below). And as a 13 year-old card collector, it was probably 25% for the card’s worth, and 75% for how cool the card itself looked. And after stints in LA, Miami, and Phoenix, we Clevelanders are hoping for one more ring out of the Big Diesel (and maybe then my cards will go back up in value).

Current Team – Cleveland Cavaliers

Team I Remember Him Being On – Orlando Magic


#2 – ALLEN IVERSON – I didn’t have as many Iverson’s as I did others. But the ones I did get a hold of I would trade for a king’s ransom to my best friend who LOVED Iverson. And even though I wasn’t that into his cards, he was single-handedly responsible for me (and every other 14-year old) spending hours and hours in his driveway trying to do this move.

Current Team – Philadelphia 76ers

Team I Remember Them Being On – Philadelphia 76ers


#3 – KOBE BRYANT – When I think about collecting Kobe Bryant cards, there is only 1 card that sticks out to me: his Topps Chrome rookie card (pictured below). This was the holy grail of rookie cards and I ripped open way too many Topps Chrome packs in search of this elusive card. I remember looking in my Beckett and seeing that this was worth $400 (at the time) and just knew that I could pull one. Too bad I probably spent about twice that looking for it and all I got was a Keith Van Horn and a Tyrone Hill.

Current Team – Los Angeles Lakers

Team I Remember Him Being On – Los Angeles Lakers


#4 – GRANT HILL – He came out of Duke and burst onto the scene in Detroit and subsequently into my card collection.  His career was defined/marred by injuries and so his cards were never that expensive (which allowed me to grab a couple).  And if after all that you’re still not sure who Grant Hill is, just watch this video (he makes the in-bounds pass). His Suns are “burning” up the playoffs and showed us against the Blazers that he can still get up and play some “D”.

Current Team – Phoenix Suns

Team I Remember Him Being On – Detroit Pistons


#5 – JASON KIDD – Not going to lie, never was much of a Jason Kidd fan. I didn’t dislike him or anything, I just didn’t really get that much exposure to him, so I didn’t follow him that closely. I did have a friend who really liked Jamal Mashburn and I had a card with both Kidd and Mashburn on it and so I was able to score some sweet Shawn Kemp cards from him. But give it up for Kidd, unlike some other guys on this list, he’s still making it happen in Dallas (aside from yet again, another early playoff exit). Maybe I should have held onto that card.

Current Team – Dallas Mavericks

Team I Remember Him Being On – Dallas Mavericks


#6 – KEVIN GARNETT – Now THIS was a guy whose cards I wanted to get my hands on. Despite playing for a mediocre Minnesota Timberwolves team, Garnett would almost always be on SportsCenter’s highlight reel either swatting a shot into the 4th row or dunking over some dude. I remember my friend had this one Garnett that was worth about $25 and I REALLY wanted it (Me – “If it’s worth $25 in 1998, imagine what it will be worth in 2010!”). He cleaned me out of a lot of my good cards, but I got it, and even though he’s a Celtic now (Cavs fan, sorry), I still like watching Garnett play.

Current Team – Boston Celtics

Team I Remember Him Being On – Minnesota Timberwolves


#7 – TIM DUNCAN – For some reason, I just never collected Tim Duncan cards. I think I might have accidentally gotten some in a pack or something, but I’m sure they were promptly traded. And even though he might not have been as exciting to watch as some other players, the guy has had a great career. But despite all his success as a player, I think this is Captain Personality’s crowning achievement as a professional athlete (and pitch-man).

Current Team – San Antonio Spurs

Team I Remember Them Being On – San Antonio Spurs


#8 – MARCUS CAMBY – I mostly knew him from his playing days at UMass, but I remember following Camby when he was drafted by the Raptors in ’96. He wasn’t my favorite player or anything, but I kept an eye on the Raptors and he was one of their biggest names (I’m pretty sure I only followed the Raptors because Jurassic Park was one of my favorite movies at the time). He’s established himself as a defensive asset and even now is doing damage to opponents in Portland (even from 15 ft away). Now, if I could only find that rookie card, I could cash it in for my big $1.75 pay day!

Current Team – Portland Trailblazers

Team I Remember Them Being On – Toronto Raptors

Who do you remember? Do you have any fond memories of these guys?

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Great 8

Favorite Memories From My ’96 Volkswagen Jetta

1. To visit Amber while I was in Ohio and she was in Michigan, I frequented the turnpike (for speed and ease). One time, as I was getting on the turnpike to come home from her house (aka, the beginning of the 5 hour trip), I rolled my window down to get the ticket, like I had done many times before. But this time my window decided not to go back up. So I drove the whole way home at 75 mph with my window down getting pummeled by the air that was whipping in the window.

2. After a week at Beyond Camp, I was just ready to grab some sweet food at Donatos. On my way, I pulled up to a stoplight behind a couple cars and in front of some more. When the light turned green, the cars in front of me began to move forward and my car decided to the street…at a green light…with a growing line of cars behind me (thrilled I’m sure). So, I proceeded to pop ‘er into neutral, get out of the car, and with the guy behind me, push my car backward into the parking lot of a Mexican restaurant. It sat there in the parking lot until I could get it towed.

3. I lived off campus my (2nd) senior year of college and the place where I stayed had a curb around the back as you would drive around to the other side. One day I had come back from classes and was looking forward to some chill time when I decided to zip up my backpack before I got out of the car…as I was driving…next to the giant cement curb. Before I could say, “George Washington Carver”, I had hit the curb with my back tire and since my windows were down, I was able to hear a distinct “Klunk” followed by a sinister “Phsssssssss.” The second sound was the air escaping from a silver dollar-sized hole in my tire. Had to get ‘er towed to the tire place.

4. Not so much a single memory, but a long and terrible joke that wasn’t funny and never quite got to the punch-line. The molding on the side of my car was, for some reason, only held on by some adhesive (or Scotch tape) instead of being secured by some sort of clip. Well, the adhesive began to give out and the molding began to start falling off my car. The first one fell off somewhere on the road because when I pulled in the driveway, it was just gone. I lost another one in the previous manner and the other two I straight up ripped off because they were hanging by a thread. They’re still in my trunk, mocking me.

5. Another time as I was driving home on the turnpike after a fun time of hanging out with Amber, I decided to be a good Student Ministries intern and pop in a sermon to listen to. I grabbed an Erwin McManus sermon from when he was at Thirsty (conference for leaders) and headed home (again, 5 hours). Since it was someone speaking, I’ve got it up pretty loud so I can hear him over the road noise. And after about 30 minutes or so, I go over a bump and the CD mysteriously gets stuck. Let me define “stuck.” I can’t take the CD out. I can’t turn the volume down. I can’t switch it to radio. So for about 4 hours, I drove home while getting shouted at by Erwin McManus as the CD repeated itself about 3 1/2 times. Once I get home and turn the car off (CD player still stuck, Erwin still shouting), my dad tells me to take out the fuse. Once I do that, the CD pops right out.

6. The only window that works is the front seat on the passenger side. So any simple situation that you would normally roll down your window for (drive-thru, taking a ticket when you’re on the turnpike or entering a parking garage, trying to speak to someone, spitting out your gum) requires me to open my door. It’s kind of tricky when you’re taking the ticket, and when there’s a person there, I ALWAYS have to open door, half-laugh and say, “The window doesn’t work.” It’s also really cool when someone runs up to your car like they forgot to tell you something really important and give you the “roll down your window” motion and I have to give them the “back up 3 feet while I open my door” motion.

7. The clips on the distributor cap rusted away, but the clips aren’t sold by themselves. So rather than drop $250 on a whole new piece, the mechanic creatively decided to use 2 zip-ties. Needless to say, it’s a less than air-tight seal, and it since that’s where the spark plug is, it has some trouble starting when moisture gets in there. So when it rains or if it’s foggy out, or someone was crying within a 500 foot radius, my car won’t start. Then, if it might accidentally start, it acts like it’s waking up from a long nap as it stalls out a couple times (usually at a stop light or as I’m turning) and as I pull into my destination, I’m wrapping up a prayer for my life to be spared. Thanks, Jesus. I owe you one.

8. An extension of this problem (which I didn’t foresee) occurred when I, once again, was returning home from a trip to Michigan to visit Amber (just something about that state, I guess). Anyway, apparently there was a monsoon on the turnpike about an hour before I got on it because there was water all over the road. Well, during a particularly deep section of water, I drove through it, got a little too much water up under my car, and it stalled out as I was, you know, cruising along the turnpike. I coast to the side of the road, open the hood, and try to dry it off under there so I can hopefully get it started again. Forty minutes later, I was back on the road and avoiding every puddle on the road.


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Great 8


In honor of me going to see one of my favorite bands, MuteMath, in concert, I thought I would put together a list to help you, John/Jane Q. Concert-Goer have the best possible experience at a concert. So here they are in random order (the numbers mean nothing). Read, learn, enjoy.

1. DO listen to the band’s new album before you go. More than likely the tour that they’re on is to promote the new album. Buy it and listen to it so you don’t stand there waiting for that ONE song you know off their last album.

2. DON’T wear any paraphernalia at the concert of the band that you’re going to see; it’s never okay. It’s especially not okay to buy a shirt there and then just throw it over the shirt you’re already wearing (especially if the shirt underneath is bigger than the shirt you just bought.) Just don’t. Trust me.

3. DO go with friends. Concerts are much more enjoyable when you can say, “Remember when…” and, “I can’t believe he…”. At least find someone to go with you for that shared experience so you can at least relive your experience through conversation and not your eleven 30-second cell-phone videos you took and uploaded to Facebook.

4. DON’T do anything on this list.

5. DO get there early. This mainly applies to GA (General Admission) shows because when you get in line determines how enjoyable your experience is. Regardless of whether or not you’re a front-row kind of person, being at the front of the line gives you first pick of any of the places. If you’re going to pay that much for a ticket, at least get a good spot to enjoy it.

6. DON’T be in a hurry to leave. There might be someone in your group who wants to stick around, check out the merch table, or possibly even grab a picture w/the band (if they’re coming out). You standing around tapping your foot and looking at your watch does not help me decide which shirt I want. Plus, the parking lot is most assuredly going to be terrible to try and get out of, so take a chill pill.

7. DO find the biggest fan of the band you saw who wasn’t able to go, and tell them how amazing it was. And then bring it up about once a month until the next chance to see them. Also, at any concert that you go to with that person, say something like, “I mean, this was good. But it wasn’t as good as (fill in the blank).”

8. DON’T spend too much money at the show. More than likely, every piece of merch that is for sale at the show is available somewhere else for less money. If it’s something that you MUST have, go home and check out their website or even eBay. The merch table is there to sucker you in because you just had a sweet experience and now you have to capture that feeling in a shirt, sticker, or program. Walk away, save your money, take a picture with your phone, and then go find it cheaper somewhere else.

Those are just a few “Do’s and Dont’s.” Do you have any to add?

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Great 8


I’ve been to a lot of concerts. Dave Matthews Band (Leroi R.I.P.), Coldplay, U2, The Eagles, MuteMath, EBE Crew. But no matter where you go, who you go with, or who you go to see, there are always those people that you see and you know that if you’re going to enjoy this concert, you need to be as far away from them as possible. I’ve seen ’em all, but here are my Great 8.

1. The Guy Who Tapes the Entire Show – While it used to be just a tape recorder and something small that fits in a shirt pocket, today this guy has upgraded to a video camera. Always hoping for that classic YouTube moment like the dude from Nickelback getting hit in the head with a bottle or Bono falling off stage, he holds his camera high and with pride. And out of all of the “guys” on this list, he’s the most tolerable…until the light on his camera distracts you and all of Section E during the song you’ve been waiting all night to hear.

2. The Karaoke Superstar – This person knows every song. And when I say “knows” I mean sort of recognizes the tune a little bit if you give them a second to think about it. But just like with bad karaoke (is there good karaoke?) the person chooses to belt out songs that he doesn’t even know and really only gets about every third word, maybe. Each song is usually preceded by a “Oh, I LOVE this song…” and then it turns into something like, “Lights wi-…………….YOU home. And indi-…………phone. I……….FIX YOU! Woo!”

3. The Little Kid Who Has No Idea Where He Is or Who He’s Listening To – This is the kid you always wanted to be, but now that you’re out of college and had to save for 3 years to go to this show, you secretly hate him. He walks around in the $45 shirt and the $28 hat that his dad bought him, but you know full well the kid doesn’t even know one band member’s name, let alone all the words to every song they ever wrote (like you, of course.) And no matter how hard you try to avoid this kid, he always seems to be in front of you, ordering a bigger pop or a cooler keychain, and even though you hate him, you still kind of wish you were him.

4. The Loud Talker – This person is probably the most oblivious person in the entire place. He is almost always talking about something unrelated to the concert and it’s at the absolute WORST time. The band has gone off stage and the lead singer has come out by himself for an acoustic encore. You’re trying to guess what it will be and as soon as the first note is played, you hear behind you something like, “Hey, have you seen The Fugitive? I know it came out awhile ago, but I just saw it and liked it a lot! That Tommy Lee Jones…” You’re torn because you want to hear the song, but you also want to punch this dude in the face.

5. The Aisle Dancer – This guy is pretty desperate for attention. Apparently his mom never looked when he shouted for her before he jumped off the swings, so now he wants to make sure no one will ever ignore him again, ever. He never really dances with any rhythm, or connection to the music, it’s mostly just a back and forth motion. The dead giveaway that you’ve spotted one of these guys is that about every 2 minutes, he slowly looks around to see if anyone is watching him. Sorry dude, but the only person watching you is me, and I’m laughing on the inside.

6. The Know-it-All – This guy isn’t a stranger. Sadly, he probably came with you. On the ride up, he told you about all his albums and how long he’s liked the band. He’s rattled off all of these obscure (which is code for “terrible”) songs that only he would know and then acts smugly surprised when you say, “I’ve never heard of that song.” He shows tendancies of the “Loud Talker” as he tells you all the random facts about the song you’re straining to listen to or the song you just heard and then complains because “…they’re not going to do anything off of their first album, which is by FAR the best. My favorite song is ________, but they probably won’t play it. It’s pretty obscure.”

7. The Wanderer – This guy is hard to spot. He’s usually slow, and is in no particular hurry to go anywhere. You may even see him and think nothing of it. But as soon as you realize that he’s just wandering for wandering’s sake, he’s a distraction. He more than likely came by himself, so he’s not tethered to any particular area or seat, so he is everywhere, because he can be. And no matter where you are or where he is, you can see him. And even though it’s you’re favorite song and you paid $210 just to hear it, all you can do is follow this guy up and down the aisle.

8. The Constant Stander(**Does not apply if it’s an SRO event) He’s probably trying to show that he’s a true fan. I mean, a true fan stands up for every song, right? Not necessarily. You can spot this guy because he’s not singing, he’s not clapping, he’s not even swaying a little bit. He’s standing there, arms folded, like he’s listening to a lecture on grout removal. He’s trying way too hard to compensate for the fact that he’s really not a fan at all. And then after staring at the back of his head all night, you realize that he’s really a fan of ticking off the actual fans.

Did I miss any? Who have you seen at concerts that you should avoid?


Filed under Great 8, Life, Music, Observations